Divorce Affects the Injured Child

I have been seeing a little boy with heel pain for the last several weeks. When his progression was slower than what I anticipated with this sort of injury, I started to review the treatment protocol with his mother. I noticed her nodding while she confirmed she was indeed reinforcing these treatment steps. When we finished, she said under breath “I just wish his dad was doing the same”. I have seen many children of divorced parents and sympathize all too well with the negative impact this can have on a child’s ability to heal from injuries. Injuries can become chronic when parents are not communicating effectively about their child's needs. It is the child who ultimately suffers the most because of it. This has affected my ability to help heal your child so much so, that I am hoping some simple tips can help in communication between parents who are not communicating.

1. Keep the lines of communication focused only on your child’s needs. Remember that just because one parent may not want to talk to you, you are speaking only to pass on the information your doctor has given you. Your ex may have no interest in your opinion about what is best. Simply state that you are calling because you took your son/daughter to the doctor and, knowing that you both “want what is best” for him or her, you want to pass on the information “while it is still fresh” in your head. This puts focus on the information, rather than the person dispensing it.

2. Make copies of whatever information was given to you in our office. Even the notes you took during your visit can be very beneficial in enforcing treatment. Send them with your child when you drop your child off.

3. Speak to you child about what is condition is, in the simplest form a child their age can understand. Draw pictures if this helps. Try to impart to them what having this condition means to their ability to play sports, PE, go barefoot etc. and why doing certain activities can make it hurt worse. We all know children do not like to be told what to do. But they do want to get better. Let them tell you what makes their foot feel better by asking questions that are “yes” driven. For instance, rather than say “the doctor says you can’t …”, you can ask “Doesn’t your foot feel better now that you are doing…?” Ask them what else they think will help their foot feel better. It helps them focus on what helps. Make them the expert in their condition. This will give them the power to say what is best when they visit their mom/dad.

4. Give your doctor knowledge of your child’s situation. May times I have written instructions in the form of a prescription in these instances. This helps to impart a stronger sense of the importance of the treatment rather than a generic information sheet, even if the information written is identical to the information sheet!

5. When all else fails, ask the other parent to take his/her child to the next appointment. Nothing could be better from our stand point! Hearing about their child from the source is sometimes what snaps things in place.

We all want what is best for your child. I hope these tips make communication and healing a little smoother for all!